man i hate valentines day...
it wasnt sooooo bad i worked half the day and hung out with my close friends the rest.
but anyways...im having a bad day. well im having a bad few days. im feeling rather luke warm these days spiritually. i dont exactly know why. im not doing bad things i just feel this strange distance between me and god latley. i feel like its just so hard to be what people expect me to be as a christian. it drives me nuts. its like people judge my every move. i really cant stand it. i feel that my relationship with god is my business. just because im a christian that doesnt make me a nun.
yes i got called a nun today. because i dont party and dont do thing the majority of my peers do and i proclaim my stand for jesus christ im like some kind of freakin plege. oh adriana the nun. i feel like im standing in the middle of a crowded room screaming at the top of my lings and no one hears me...or cares one or the other.
im just feeling rather discouraged with life. im depressed. im not happy. i dont know why. im not a nun. im not perfect. i dont like people. i can feel god. i dont like my peers especially. my youth group sucks. my future is dim. i cant stand my mother. i cant feel god. im bitter. no one freakin cares. i cant feel god.
i cant feel god.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
valentines day...gag.
long time no blog, i know.
-i havent had much on my mind lately. im still procrastinating the whole schooling thing...blahhhh. and i still havent acquired a day job. im just soooooo lazy.
but anyways, valentines day...i hate valentines day. i hate it. its a stupid holiday created by chocolate and greeting card manufacturers to make money by selling there stupid crap to puppy love struck teenagers and married women. yes im being bitter just because im single on valentines day but i dont care.
i had a bf last valentines day...he didnt get me anything...or even say happy valentines day...okay. i decided he doesnt count. that jerk.
--well anyways. i work so maybe ill be distracted all day. later.
-i havent had much on my mind lately. im still procrastinating the whole schooling thing...blahhhh. and i still havent acquired a day job. im just soooooo lazy.
but anyways, valentines day...i hate valentines day. i hate it. its a stupid holiday created by chocolate and greeting card manufacturers to make money by selling there stupid crap to puppy love struck teenagers and married women. yes im being bitter just because im single on valentines day but i dont care.
i had a bf last valentines day...he didnt get me anything...or even say happy valentines day...okay. i decided he doesnt count. that jerk.
--well anyways. i work so maybe ill be distracted all day. later.
Monday, February 2, 2009
the movement
so a quit post before i attempt to sleep.
i want to be a psychologist. more than any thing.
i decided along time ago that i wanted to change the world, i want to help people, and i want to affect every person im blessed to come into contact with.
i discovered an organization awhile back that inspired me called to write love on her arms and i am a huge supporter. the organization is simply trying to prove that with love you can save a persons life. that there is a rescue from this dark pit many people especially teens fall into. the organization helped me see that there are people out there hurting internally and fighting depression. i feeel like people today are sheltered and dont see how common it really is. how many people around you feel like theyre dying inside. i myself deal with depression alot. im up late nights wondering why on earth im not happy, and im not happy. and i dont mean my current mood i mean in general. its gotten alot better though and continues to improve as my relationship with god strenghthens.
so i want to be someone that people can come to when theyre hurting, and lost, and feel like theres nowhere to turn and no one cares. i want to tell them about this friend i made awhile back named jesus christ who has never left me nor forsaken me. i want them to know that there is a purpose for the pain and that rescue is possible. love is the movement and christ is love(:
i want to be a psychologist. more than any thing.
i decided along time ago that i wanted to change the world, i want to help people, and i want to affect every person im blessed to come into contact with.
i discovered an organization awhile back that inspired me called to write love on her arms and i am a huge supporter. the organization is simply trying to prove that with love you can save a persons life. that there is a rescue from this dark pit many people especially teens fall into. the organization helped me see that there are people out there hurting internally and fighting depression. i feeel like people today are sheltered and dont see how common it really is. how many people around you feel like theyre dying inside. i myself deal with depression alot. im up late nights wondering why on earth im not happy, and im not happy. and i dont mean my current mood i mean in general. its gotten alot better though and continues to improve as my relationship with god strenghthens.
so i want to be someone that people can come to when theyre hurting, and lost, and feel like theres nowhere to turn and no one cares. i want to tell them about this friend i made awhile back named jesus christ who has never left me nor forsaken me. i want them to know that there is a purpose for the pain and that rescue is possible. love is the movement and christ is love(:
Sunday, February 1, 2009
rant
p.s. on a lighter note.
i talked to my friend about goin to church with me and maybe bringing her family. she said she have to look into her work schedule. we then discussed religion and our families and i really think shes searching for the lord and doesnt know it really. she gave me the old "i dont want to get saved and go back to the way i was before" but i just pray the lord can come through and really help her and her family.
while we talked about our families, however, i realized i still have alot of bitterness toward my mother and also to the lady that gave birth to me. my mother and me never got along and i dont think we ever will. thats gonna take alot of prayer to get over but the lady that gave birth to me is another thing. my friend amanda wants to go find her and at first i was game...then i thought about it. she gave me up...why should i find her. if she wanted to know me she could have contacted me...she hasnt so why should i go out of my way to find a lady that didnt want me in her life??
just thinking. i just need to keep praying. well later!(:
p.s.s. im thinking about getting baptised...?? who knows.
i talked to my friend about goin to church with me and maybe bringing her family. she said she have to look into her work schedule. we then discussed religion and our families and i really think shes searching for the lord and doesnt know it really. she gave me the old "i dont want to get saved and go back to the way i was before" but i just pray the lord can come through and really help her and her family.
while we talked about our families, however, i realized i still have alot of bitterness toward my mother and also to the lady that gave birth to me. my mother and me never got along and i dont think we ever will. thats gonna take alot of prayer to get over but the lady that gave birth to me is another thing. my friend amanda wants to go find her and at first i was game...then i thought about it. she gave me up...why should i find her. if she wanted to know me she could have contacted me...she hasnt so why should i go out of my way to find a lady that didnt want me in her life??
just thinking. i just need to keep praying. well later!(:
p.s.s. im thinking about getting baptised...?? who knows.
the root of all evil
money.
i hate it. why is it imposable for me to ever save money?? the most i think ive ever saved at one time was 365 dollars...to celebrate i spent 90 dollars...AT WALMART!!! how do you even do that.
i buy so many clothes...yet never have anything to wear. i buy sooooo much food...and wonder why im so freakin fat! oh and my first credit card...to kohls of course...maxed out. 150 dollars over the 200 dollar limit. urg.
i need a second job. i need to save some money. i had an interview for a second jod at family dollar actually. they didnt want to work around my kohls schedule and i didnt want to leave kohls for dollar world. i need a day job. prefurably a desk job would be lovely. but im so lazy. i dont want to go job hunting. i hate job hunting. but i hate being broke.
pray for me. pray the lord grant me some self control. oh and a nice desk job(:
i hate it. why is it imposable for me to ever save money?? the most i think ive ever saved at one time was 365 dollars...to celebrate i spent 90 dollars...AT WALMART!!! how do you even do that.
i buy so many clothes...yet never have anything to wear. i buy sooooo much food...and wonder why im so freakin fat! oh and my first credit card...to kohls of course...maxed out. 150 dollars over the 200 dollar limit. urg.
i need a second job. i need to save some money. i had an interview for a second jod at family dollar actually. they didnt want to work around my kohls schedule and i didnt want to leave kohls for dollar world. i need a day job. prefurably a desk job would be lovely. but im so lazy. i dont want to go job hunting. i hate job hunting. but i hate being broke.
pray for me. pray the lord grant me some self control. oh and a nice desk job(:
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