luke warm

man i hate valentines day...
it wasnt sooooo bad i worked half the day and hung out with my close friends the rest.

but anyways...im having a bad day. well im having a bad few days. im feeling rather luke warm these days spiritually. i dont exactly know why. im not doing bad things i just feel this strange distance between me and god latley. i feel like its just so hard to be what people expect me to be as a christian. it drives me nuts. its like people judge my every move. i really cant stand it. i feel that my relationship with god is my business. just because im a christian that doesnt make me a nun.

yes i got called a nun today. because i dont party and dont do thing the majority of my peers do and i proclaim my stand for jesus christ im like some kind of freakin plege. oh adriana the nun. i feel like im standing in the middle of a crowded room screaming at the top of my lings and no one hears me...or cares one or the other.

im just feeling rather discouraged with life. im depressed. im not happy. i dont know why. im not a nun. im not perfect. i dont like people. i can feel god. i dont like my peers especially. my youth group sucks. my future is dim. i cant stand my mother. i cant feel god. im bitter. no one freakin cares. i cant feel god.

i cant feel god.