blabbering.

I just got home from spending sometime with my bffs, I realized that over the past year a lot of my "friends" have gone missing. I thank god for helping me find my true friends and lose the fake even though it hurts at times to think back.

also im going to begin planing a youth rally or revial. im super excited. I just really wanna see the youth group grow and prosper. as the president I've been slacking but now im stepping up and hopefully with prayer and the lords help well see some success.

not for sale

im just sooo blessed. god has done amazing things for me through all these years, big and small.


hes kept me out of trouble with the police, he saved me from an overdose, hes given me not one but two great families, i have a job that i always take for granted, he blessed me with true friends. and for awhile i thought all this was luck now i know it was love.


the best thing of all is the fact that his love knows no bounds. even when i was partying and doing drugs he loved me. and i could have been locked up for the stupid thing i was doing at the time and i could have died, but god has a plan for me...he always provides for me, even though sometimes i fail to thank him at times i dont even notice.


jesus loved me when i felt like no one else did. he was my light at the end of the dark tunnel. i wont sell out.i will live my life for jesus, because he died for me. so my heart belongs to jesus because he saved me.

not for sale

i was hunting for the lyrics to a song and i stumbled across these lyrics and though id share.

Not 4 Sale

Carman

The devil came to my house, knocked on my door

I said, oh my, I know that I have heard this voice before

He said, "You're quite a talent, the makings of a star

And with a little help from me you really can go far.

I'll tell you what I told the rest, the rules remain the same.

Don't glorify, support or even mention Jesus' name.

Now you can do something that's positive, but just don't misbehave.

Like use your noteoriety and get somebody saved.

And don't you see so vocal about the Truth you know.

The Bible's bad for business, leave your faith at home.

I'll give you wealth and fame, far as the eye can see.

Live the way you want, but your career belongs to me."

The he smiled a crooked smile and winked and evil eye

And said, "Well, whatcha think, my man?" and this was my reply



I have been bought with a pricewhen Jesus hung on a tree

My life is not my own, I'll never follow your lead

You build up all the pleasure of sin in people's eyes

But never tell the consequences of the compromise

You used to have my number, but this time you will fail

So get thee behind me, Satan, I'm not for sale

luke warm

man i hate valentines day...
it wasnt sooooo bad i worked half the day and hung out with my close friends the rest.

but anyways...im having a bad day. well im having a bad few days. im feeling rather luke warm these days spiritually. i dont exactly know why. im not doing bad things i just feel this strange distance between me and god latley. i feel like its just so hard to be what people expect me to be as a christian. it drives me nuts. its like people judge my every move. i really cant stand it. i feel that my relationship with god is my business. just because im a christian that doesnt make me a nun.

yes i got called a nun today. because i dont party and dont do thing the majority of my peers do and i proclaim my stand for jesus christ im like some kind of freakin plege. oh adriana the nun. i feel like im standing in the middle of a crowded room screaming at the top of my lings and no one hears me...or cares one or the other.

im just feeling rather discouraged with life. im depressed. im not happy. i dont know why. im not a nun. im not perfect. i dont like people. i can feel god. i dont like my peers especially. my youth group sucks. my future is dim. i cant stand my mother. i cant feel god. im bitter. no one freakin cares. i cant feel god.

i cant feel god.

valentines day...gag.

long time no blog, i know.

-i havent had much on my mind lately. im still procrastinating the whole schooling thing...blahhhh. and i still havent acquired a day job. im just soooooo lazy.

but anyways, valentines day...i hate valentines day. i hate it. its a stupid holiday created by chocolate and greeting card manufacturers to make money by selling there stupid crap to puppy love struck teenagers and married women. yes im being bitter just because im single on valentines day but i dont care.
i had a bf last valentines day...he didnt get me anything...or even say happy valentines day...okay. i decided he doesnt count. that jerk.

--well anyways. i work so maybe ill be distracted all day. later.

the movement

so a quit post before i attempt to sleep.

i want to be a psychologist. more than any thing.
i decided along time ago that i wanted to change the world, i want to help people, and i want to affect every person im blessed to come into contact with.
i discovered an organization awhile back that inspired me called to write love on her arms and i am a huge supporter. the organization is simply trying to prove that with love you can save a persons life. that there is a rescue from this dark pit many people especially teens fall into. the organization helped me see that there are people out there hurting internally and fighting depression. i feeel like people today are sheltered and dont see how common it really is. how many people around you feel like theyre dying inside. i myself deal with depression alot. im up late nights wondering why on earth im not happy, and im not happy. and i dont mean my current mood i mean in general. its gotten alot better though and continues to improve as my relationship with god strenghthens.
so i want to be someone that people can come to when theyre hurting, and lost, and feel like theres nowhere to turn and no one cares. i want to tell them about this friend i made awhile back named jesus christ who has never left me nor forsaken me. i want them to know that there is a purpose for the pain and that rescue is possible. love is the movement and christ is love(:

rant

p.s. on a lighter note.

i talked to my friend about goin to church with me and maybe bringing her family. she said she have to look into her work schedule. we then discussed religion and our families and i really think shes searching for the lord and doesnt know it really. she gave me the old "i dont want to get saved and go back to the way i was before" but i just pray the lord can come through and really help her and her family.

while we talked about our families, however, i realized i still have alot of bitterness toward my mother and also to the lady that gave birth to me. my mother and me never got along and i dont think we ever will. thats gonna take alot of prayer to get over but the lady that gave birth to me is another thing. my friend amanda wants to go find her and at first i was game...then i thought about it. she gave me up...why should i find her. if she wanted to know me she could have contacted me...she hasnt so why should i go out of my way to find a lady that didnt want me in her life??

just thinking. i just need to keep praying. well later!(:


p.s.s. im thinking about getting baptised...?? who knows.