"The guy who takes a chance, who walks the line between the known and unknown, who is unafraid of failure, will succeed." -- Gordon Parks

diet

i really really hate dieting. i really hate it.
the word diet alone makes me sooooo hungry, but i am on one. starting today i am going to lose at least twenty pounds. that means nooooooo fast food which is going to be hard because i love fast food! lol. its just so easy.

also im gonna start video blogging soon. lol. its going to be amazing. aha.

im supposed to be getting ready for work so im out.

randomness

i havent blogged in awhile but i just havent felt inspired lately lol.

i have been working on my life lately. i will be receiving a diploma in may. the whole college thing isnt going as planned. i might wait awhile on that one...im not sure. im working on my relationship with god. i gave my first testimony at one of the best church services ive ever had the privelege to attend.

my bday is in a month and a half and im sooo excited.

blabbering.

I just got home from spending sometime with my bffs, I realized that over the past year a lot of my "friends" have gone missing. I thank god for helping me find my true friends and lose the fake even though it hurts at times to think back.

also im going to begin planing a youth rally or revial. im super excited. I just really wanna see the youth group grow and prosper. as the president I've been slacking but now im stepping up and hopefully with prayer and the lords help well see some success.

not for sale

im just sooo blessed. god has done amazing things for me through all these years, big and small.


hes kept me out of trouble with the police, he saved me from an overdose, hes given me not one but two great families, i have a job that i always take for granted, he blessed me with true friends. and for awhile i thought all this was luck now i know it was love.


the best thing of all is the fact that his love knows no bounds. even when i was partying and doing drugs he loved me. and i could have been locked up for the stupid thing i was doing at the time and i could have died, but god has a plan for me...he always provides for me, even though sometimes i fail to thank him at times i dont even notice.


jesus loved me when i felt like no one else did. he was my light at the end of the dark tunnel. i wont sell out.i will live my life for jesus, because he died for me. so my heart belongs to jesus because he saved me.

not for sale

i was hunting for the lyrics to a song and i stumbled across these lyrics and though id share.

Not 4 Sale

Carman

The devil came to my house, knocked on my door

I said, oh my, I know that I have heard this voice before

He said, "You're quite a talent, the makings of a star

And with a little help from me you really can go far.

I'll tell you what I told the rest, the rules remain the same.

Don't glorify, support or even mention Jesus' name.

Now you can do something that's positive, but just don't misbehave.

Like use your noteoriety and get somebody saved.

And don't you see so vocal about the Truth you know.

The Bible's bad for business, leave your faith at home.

I'll give you wealth and fame, far as the eye can see.

Live the way you want, but your career belongs to me."

The he smiled a crooked smile and winked and evil eye

And said, "Well, whatcha think, my man?" and this was my reply



I have been bought with a pricewhen Jesus hung on a tree

My life is not my own, I'll never follow your lead

You build up all the pleasure of sin in people's eyes

But never tell the consequences of the compromise

You used to have my number, but this time you will fail

So get thee behind me, Satan, I'm not for sale

luke warm

man i hate valentines day...
it wasnt sooooo bad i worked half the day and hung out with my close friends the rest.

but anyways...im having a bad day. well im having a bad few days. im feeling rather luke warm these days spiritually. i dont exactly know why. im not doing bad things i just feel this strange distance between me and god latley. i feel like its just so hard to be what people expect me to be as a christian. it drives me nuts. its like people judge my every move. i really cant stand it. i feel that my relationship with god is my business. just because im a christian that doesnt make me a nun.

yes i got called a nun today. because i dont party and dont do thing the majority of my peers do and i proclaim my stand for jesus christ im like some kind of freakin plege. oh adriana the nun. i feel like im standing in the middle of a crowded room screaming at the top of my lings and no one hears me...or cares one or the other.

im just feeling rather discouraged with life. im depressed. im not happy. i dont know why. im not a nun. im not perfect. i dont like people. i can feel god. i dont like my peers especially. my youth group sucks. my future is dim. i cant stand my mother. i cant feel god. im bitter. no one freakin cares. i cant feel god.

i cant feel god.

valentines day...gag.

long time no blog, i know.

-i havent had much on my mind lately. im still procrastinating the whole schooling thing...blahhhh. and i still havent acquired a day job. im just soooooo lazy.

but anyways, valentines day...i hate valentines day. i hate it. its a stupid holiday created by chocolate and greeting card manufacturers to make money by selling there stupid crap to puppy love struck teenagers and married women. yes im being bitter just because im single on valentines day but i dont care.
i had a bf last valentines day...he didnt get me anything...or even say happy valentines day...okay. i decided he doesnt count. that jerk.

--well anyways. i work so maybe ill be distracted all day. later.

the movement

so a quit post before i attempt to sleep.

i want to be a psychologist. more than any thing.
i decided along time ago that i wanted to change the world, i want to help people, and i want to affect every person im blessed to come into contact with.
i discovered an organization awhile back that inspired me called to write love on her arms and i am a huge supporter. the organization is simply trying to prove that with love you can save a persons life. that there is a rescue from this dark pit many people especially teens fall into. the organization helped me see that there are people out there hurting internally and fighting depression. i feeel like people today are sheltered and dont see how common it really is. how many people around you feel like theyre dying inside. i myself deal with depression alot. im up late nights wondering why on earth im not happy, and im not happy. and i dont mean my current mood i mean in general. its gotten alot better though and continues to improve as my relationship with god strenghthens.
so i want to be someone that people can come to when theyre hurting, and lost, and feel like theres nowhere to turn and no one cares. i want to tell them about this friend i made awhile back named jesus christ who has never left me nor forsaken me. i want them to know that there is a purpose for the pain and that rescue is possible. love is the movement and christ is love(:

rant

p.s. on a lighter note.

i talked to my friend about goin to church with me and maybe bringing her family. she said she have to look into her work schedule. we then discussed religion and our families and i really think shes searching for the lord and doesnt know it really. she gave me the old "i dont want to get saved and go back to the way i was before" but i just pray the lord can come through and really help her and her family.

while we talked about our families, however, i realized i still have alot of bitterness toward my mother and also to the lady that gave birth to me. my mother and me never got along and i dont think we ever will. thats gonna take alot of prayer to get over but the lady that gave birth to me is another thing. my friend amanda wants to go find her and at first i was game...then i thought about it. she gave me up...why should i find her. if she wanted to know me she could have contacted me...she hasnt so why should i go out of my way to find a lady that didnt want me in her life??

just thinking. i just need to keep praying. well later!(:


p.s.s. im thinking about getting baptised...?? who knows.

the root of all evil

money.

i hate it. why is it imposable for me to ever save money?? the most i think ive ever saved at one time was 365 dollars...to celebrate i spent 90 dollars...AT WALMART!!! how do you even do that.
i buy so many clothes...yet never have anything to wear. i buy sooooo much food...and wonder why im so freakin fat! oh and my first credit card...to kohls of course...maxed out. 150 dollars over the 200 dollar limit. urg.

i need a second job. i need to save some money. i had an interview for a second jod at family dollar actually. they didnt want to work around my kohls schedule and i didnt want to leave kohls for dollar world. i need a day job. prefurably a desk job would be lovely. but im so lazy. i dont want to go job hunting. i hate job hunting. but i hate being broke.

pray for me. pray the lord grant me some self control. oh and a nice desk job(:

all about jesus

so im sitting here doing the same thing i do every sunday night and wednesday afternoon...inviting people to church and youth group...it like pulling teeth most of the time. i mean im not asking you to give me your kidney! i get excuses like its not something i like to do on sunday and i dont like church and i have to baby sit. is it so much for people to take two hours of your busy week to go to church. i mean jesus christ died a horrible death for you and you wont even sit through a two hour sermon. i love the im too tired to go or im just so exhausted...well i always feel completely relaxed after church. another thing the other day at work a co-worker asked me who the was working with us and i told her and her reply stunned me...she said oh no is that the one that talkes about jesus all the time?! she said it like it was such a bad thing...like the name Jesus is some kind of taboo. it got to me. it made me step back and think...when people here my name will they think oh that the girl thats all about jesus,m and wouldnt we all be better off if we were a little more about jesus.

well ive got a few more people to harass (:

my testimony

about a year ago i was the lowest point in my young life, i was doing so many drugs and i drank aye-lot! now looking back on some of my "close calls" i see the blessings that i was to messed up to see back then. looking back i see the amazing way that god works and we may not even know it at the time. i remember a situation in which me and a friend snuck a large amount of alcohol into my good friend amandas car without her knowing. amanda has never done anything illegal in her life and my little stunt could and would have landed us all in jail (being minors at the time) for a very long time. i remember the panic i felt as the cop started fallowing us...and i remember the feeling of defeat as the lights came on and i remember the feeling of relief when the cop turned to assist the fender bender that had just occurred ten feet away... then there was the time i almost died...the time i should have died...most people would have died after taking all those pills then mixing it with all that alcohol...but no not me. that was a bad time...my life seemed to spiral down from there. my home life became unbarable. i remember fighting all the time with my parents, i remember wishing my overdose had killed me.

it was just after church camp when i realized what my life was missing. Jesus Christ. i decided to rededicate my life to him. i shocked alot of people...people who knew the old me...people who are still waiting for me to fail. i lost alot of friends. but i gained so much more. maybe this has been on my mind so much because im at the one year anniversary and when i look back at who i was then and who i am now i pray that i never return to that. i now see that all those "close calls" were god giving me yet another chance because he has a plan for me. and now that im no longer fighting it i am a willing vessel.

awall the blogger...ha.

so this is my first blog post on my first real blog and for now im going to keep it short and sweat because i have a splitting head ache and it late and im a loud typer lol. i decided that a blog would be a good idea for me because i have a hard time expressing myself to people. i dont like to let people know about the battles i deal with every single day because it feels like weakness i dont like not being able to handle everything all the time. latley i havent been sleeping even more than usual...and ive been having more of those nights...the ones where all the stuff ive been burrying deap resurfaces and im left feel weak and sorry for myself and greatfull that my family is asleep. so i figured it was time to do something. so now im a blogger...lets see what the all hype is about.